Sale Blitz: Trying to Find Love

 

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December 29 – January 2


Trying to Find Love by T.B. Cooper


 

 

Title:

Trying to Find Love: Poems & Reflections of the Love that Made Me

by T.B. Cooper

 

(99cents Promotion)

Genre:

Poetry Memoir

Buy Links:

PAPERBACK: https://goo.gl/QjzoIn

Amazon US: https://goo.gl/AtyZH6

(FREE on KU) of course!

 

From Back Cover:

 

This is my collection of “songs” that I wrote, when music was in my heart…. Saying my early adult life was turbulent, is a slight understatement. I had fun, I broke hearts, and I had mine broke more than enough to compensate. Music Helped me. I’d always hoped to be a fabulous songwriter, but as I evolved, I realized that path would’ve just led me to more heartache. I grew up, and so did my way of dealing with my emotions. 

Music, sadly, has left my heart. I no longer hear inspiration on the wind. Instead, I now enjoy peace and quiet….. on a farm with a million kids and animals! But I still remember where I came from, who I loved, and who loved me. It is to honor their place in making me who I am, that I decided to share the “song” and tell the story of how each “poem” came to be. I hope you enjoy this very private peek into my heart.

 

Blurb:

 

I won’t make any outrageous claims to a troubled past or anything that might excuse my behavior now, or then. I alone, know my demons. I live today with a clear conscience knowing that every step of the journey has been worth it. I do not hold grudges, nor do I apologize to those who do. I regret nothing. I have fought for my happiness; friend and foe, and worse.. myself.

 

I’ve been afraid of happiness. I’ve been afraid of success. Failing was easy, but it was never an option. I am at peace with myself, and I am LOVE incarnate. I’ve loved many, and many have loved me. With the love, others have hated me. Let them battle their own demons.

 

In the following pages, I’ve collected the majority of “songs” I’d written years ago. I say songs, only because at the time they came into my head they came through on a melody. I had planned on becoming a songwriter at one time in my life, but that was never my dream. So I never pursued

Instead, I decided a little while back that I still needed to publish them, but as a reflection of what emotions and powers have shaped me. I added short descriptions to these “poems” when I first started putting them all in one place. This collection is about LOVE, and everything that goes with it.. the searing passionate love, the torturous-I’d-rather-die-love, the despair of never feeling it again-love. And everything in between. Some of the blurbs attached to the poems I chose to keep the same, because they (when originally written) showcased who I was at the time. How I felt, how I saw life. This is after all, a deep look into my own personal journey. And if for no one else’s understanding but mine, I chose to keep them as they were. Others, I either re-wrote them to sound a little less offensive, or I added to them as an update.

 

I have changed the names of the people I discuss, and some of them I discuss frequently because they were such an influence on my life. I’ve divided this book into “Chapters” named after each of the men who’ve accompanied me in love. Whether they ever felt the same, I do not know, nor do I ever wish to know. Yet another reason to have changed their names.

 

In closing, yes, I’ve been in love many times. I’ve loved freely, and I’ve never discriminated. I’ve had more than enough outward confidence that I enjoyed sharing myself. And I am not ashamed. Men have notches on their belts… I had notches on my bedposts. And I am not ashamed…. I’ve lived my way, according to my rules and my desires. I can only hope more people can feel and say the same thing when they reflect on their pasts…

To those men that helped me find myself, I am eternally grateful. I had to kiss a lot of frogs before I found my one true Prince.

 

Excerpt #1:

KEITH

(My first love)

 

Prince Charming

 

06-17-98

 

Once

upon a time

 

You

were the only one that I loved

 

You

were all I thought that I’d need

 

The

only one in my life

 

I

thought it would last

 

Prince

Charming came

 

To

make my dreams come true

 

Yes

I thought that he was you

 

Just

how wrong could I be?

 

You

broke my heart, my soul, my dreams

 

You

put me down like I didn’t mean a thing

 

I

thought you loved me

 

Wasn’t

I your everything?

 

You

said you were committed

 

It

doesn’t count if it’s not to me

 

Fairy-tales,

 

Of

“Shinning White Knights”

 

Sound

sweet to me

 

If I

could just find one right

 

Instead

of searching in vain

 

And

making mistakes

 

Of

choosing another boy

 

Whose

“Life of Love” was all fake

 

You

broke my heart, my soul, my dreams

 

You

put me down like I didn’t mean a thing

 

I

thought you loved me

 

Wasn’t

I your “everything”?

 

You

said you were committed

 

It

doesn’t count if it’s not to me

 

So at the time I wrote this, I was

pregnant with my daughter. I believe my first husband and I were separated but

trying to get back together. But I’m not sure this song was inspired by him. I

think I was upset because of him but I drew the emotions and inspiration from

my first love (Keith).

 

I think because of my fragile state of being, plus having baby #2 with what was looking was going to be no father, I think it all just made me think about those dreams I had had and what was really going on with my life right now?

 

Keith was a big part of my life when I was just turning into a woman. I gave up a lot of my happiness for his, and for him to succeed in life. I just hope wherever he is, everything has worked out for him. I wish him well.

 

 

 

 

Excerpt #2:

My Daddy

 

Daddy’s ‘lil girl

 

08-17-1998

 

I’m your baby girl

 

At least that’s what you told me

 

When I came into this world

 

And you knew someday

 

I’d grow up to spread my wings

 

And my own eyes would have

 

To see all of those things

 

That you told me were wrong

 

And that you knew best.

 

I’ve got your intuition

 

It just kicked in too late

 

For me to know what I was doing

 

Would cause you to hate

 

Daddy’s ‘lil girl

 

You said I betrayed you

 

But you betrayed me

 

“Family will never leave you”

 

At least that’s what you told me

 

Said you’d be there forever

 

Well forever’s almost gone.

 

But

Daddy I’m still here

 

Waiting for the day when you realize

 

That I’m my father’s daughter

 

And I’ve got more than Daddy’s eyes

 

I’m as stubborn as a bull

 

Very set in my ways.

 

You missed my wedding day

 

You made the choice to push

 

Instead of give me away

 

You’re missing your grandkids

 

boy and a girl

 

They’re growing up fast

 

And they’re my whole world

 

Wasn’t I once yours

 

was Daddy’s girl

 

Now I’m Daddy’s sad girl

 

Oh Daddy’s sad ‘lil girl

 

Now, not really much of a song, per say…

I’ve over the years added, edited this song and what not… I’ve lost the

original (I think?). This is of course about my Daddy; a few days before I had

my first daughter. Last time he cared if I existed was July 23, 1996; before he

dropped me off at the hospital to have my half-black son saying he wasn’t the

father of a “Ni**er-loving whore.”

 

I was Daddy’s little girl. He even made a charm for me once that

 

I was supposed to get when I turned eighteen…. I’m almost

 

twenty-eight at this moment I’m typing… Yeah, don’t see that happening.

 

Really not easy being rejected by a man.

Certainly not by your father who you feel is supposed to shelter and protect

you… No matter what. I could write more, but, there’s not much left to

say……..

 

————————————————————————————–

 

This is my update.. I am 36 right now, my dad has been gone for six years. Right before he died, my family (including my kids) went to see him at his bedside. It was one of the single most painful moments of my life.

 

I’d spent fourteen years, not seeing him, not talking to him. Ten of those years I was mostly a single mom. A single mom with three kids, living in the same town, at times-right down the street. I’d gotten used to not having him in my life. I had to make my own way, and this inevitably sent me into the arms of the next newest savior.

 

Then, right at the end, when his departure from this world and my life for good was unavoidable, I had to lose him all over again. We made peace with each other. He hugged my son. My son, who for fourteen years could’ve learned so much from his grandpa, but he and his sisters were denied because of a foolish man’s pride.

 

There was no man that had a greater influence on my early adult life besides my Dad. Everything I did was dictated by what was and wasn’t acceptable with him.

 

“Don’t date black people.”

 

I have two black kids.

 

“Blood is thicker than water, but if you

disgrace me, I disown you.”

 

So I left home at fifteen and at times,

only had my children for family in my life.

 

“Women should know their place, they

should be subservient to Man.” That was the toughest lesson to unlearn.

 

I’m grateful for everything,

good and bad my father taught me. I miss him terribly. I feel robbed.

 

 

 

 

T.B. Cooper
lives with her husband, four kids, a grand-baby, her mom, and her sister, on a
farm in the Nevada Desert. With farm chores, home-schooling and herds of
animals needing attention, it’s a miracle she finds anytime to write at all.
But writing has always been her passion. She’s written and construed stories,
her whole life. Now she’s jumping in with both feet into the world of social
media… publishing her thoughts on paper and her blogs, and is ready to open
the next chapter in an overwhelmingly enriched and precariously balanced life.

You can find out more by visiting her website http://www.tbcooper.com to view her two
blogs ‘A Precariously Balanced Life’ and ‘For all the Books I’ve Loved so
far…,’ or to checkout her upcoming projects–including her new short story
series ‘Tentaglian Empire:House of Tentagel.’

Contact Links:

 

 

 

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